yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
