So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just high enough for therapy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize