It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
