it was like his penis was on wheels.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
