After last night, I could never be a politician.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So many bounce houses so little time
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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