I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
