Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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