I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
