I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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