no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
