I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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