New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
