Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
