thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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