i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
