I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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