You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize