my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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