omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
