they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize