I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize