wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
