he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
