There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
