I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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