so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
