yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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