Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
