Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
