6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
