Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
