so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
