For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
