Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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