my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
