I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
