I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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