Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize