Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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