Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
