Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
