I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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