Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize