as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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