i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
