just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
