you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
