i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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