yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
