My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
