I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
