I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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