My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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