i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
