I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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