The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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