I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
