Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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