your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
