the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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