Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
