The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
