I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
