he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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