I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
