He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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