just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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