oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
