so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
