I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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