Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
