He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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