Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
