Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
