can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize