i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize