Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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