i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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