Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize