ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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