oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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