We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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