dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want to make a zoo with you.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
