woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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