OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
