Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize