There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
