I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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