I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
