I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
