At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
