I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
