Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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