didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize