were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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