You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
