My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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