watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
