my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
