your thong is hanging out like whoa
I will die if light touches me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
