I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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