Welp...herpes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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