careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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