I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
