just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
