I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
