I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
