Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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