Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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