I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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