The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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