I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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