Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so let's talk penis.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
