i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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