my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it glows. i had to have it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
