White coat. Heels.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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