girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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