ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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