Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
