That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
