Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
